Girls Thing

Because we girls are so complicated and love to over think something.

So girls out there, did you do the same as me? hikhik. xoxo

Hospital Life Part 2

Wah, sequel sgt cerita kau. Luls. 

Remember I told you that my body temperature was high last night. Alhamdulillah, at 5.30 am, the nurse check again the temperature. And, it was about 37.2 C. So, operation can be proceed as planned before.

I woke up, perform my Subuh prayer and mandi! I was ready with the operation. I change my outfit. I have to wear the OT garments (gittew). Haha.

I have called both my parents before I go into the OT room. I told them to come over by 1pm. Perhaps, the surgery have finished by that time. About 9pm, Nurse Zuraini and Nurse Hidayu sent me to the OT. Even though it was my third time with surgery, but still, nervous-to-the-death! 

As usual, the process of changing the bed have took about 5 times. So, there was a nice pakcik that push my bed into the OT. I met with my anesthetist, Dr Wan Ahmad Faizal. Thanks for being my sedatives :)  

As I choose to done my surgery under General anaesthetic, I will be induce coma within a minutes after received injection. Believe it or not, I have been intubate. I received:

1. anaesthetic drugs (an injection and gas to breathe)
2. strong pain relief drugs (morphine or something similar)
3. oxygen to breathe

I will need a breathing tube in my throat whilst I are anaesthetised to make sure that oxygen and anaesthetic gases can move easily into my lungs and a breathing machine (ventilator) will be used.

So, I conscious because I want to vomit. There was a bitter taste in my throat. Really bitter! Yucks! and i continued to sleep (because of the medicine in my body). Before leaving the OT, I couldn't see both my parents outside. 

I'm feeling sick, dizziness, sore throat, and having a bad vomiting after the surgery. About 3.00 pm, I vomit again. So mom was here., helping me out. I told them to have lunch first. So, they decide to eat KFC! Poor me. Yet after my body was a bit stabilize, (even though with a bit dizziness),  I perform my Zuhur prayer at 4.15pm. After they came back from lunch, mom brought  lauk for me. But i only can start eat at 6.45pm.  

So, there was my legs look alike after operation

Usually, 3 days after the surgery, doctor will open this bandage to see the wound and for dressing purpose. I was the one who cant wait to see whether it was a new scars or doctor just open my old scars for this surgery. 

Alhamdulillah, I can easily perform my solat here, beside my bed. Allah mudahkan :) So, below is the place for me to perform my solat.

It was a quite boring here since I cannot walk and my room is quite isolated. Basically, I was the permanent resident here. Tengok orang masuk hospital sehari dua je, lepas tu boleh balik. It was really hurt you know. Haha! Pity me since i have to on the antibiotics. Luckily I bring over some books and have download several games in my phone.

Zzzzzz....

Boring Level 100 

There was one night. I didn't know how ganas I sleep. My branula was about to loose and start bleeding. So, the nurse just remove my branula. Thought I would be free. Tomorrow morning, the nurse just inserted a new branula :(

Tangan banyak dosa ni,

So far, only 2 nights i sleep alone in the room without any patient-mate. Luls. At first, I was a bit scared. But, Alhamdulillah I can endure the feeling. Hihi. 

My night view. See, Im all alone.

My morning view.

My every morning different handsome view. Forgot to capture the other doctors picture. Senyap2. Hihi 

My food view. 

Ok, so far both my parents supply foods for me. So, there is one day that Ayah unable to visit me. So, I just ate the hospital food. Once! Haha! 

Such a long entry this time. Hehe. So, is anyone out there have the experienced as patient? Well, actually it was a bit boring to be a patient since I have just to lying on the bed 24/7. But, it was the time for us to rehab, to rest since I do have to do all the chores. Hehe. Just appreciate it :)
Till then. xoxo! 

Hospital Life Part 1

Hye! hope you're doing good.

As promised, for this entry post, it will be about my hospital routine. No. My second hospital life to be exact. Luls.

So, I have been ordered by the doctor to 'check-in' at the hospital on 12th October 2014. Thought I want to registered after Maghrib. but yet after Zuhur, i did received a call from the hospital. The nurse ask me to registered before 7. And know what, Mak and Ayah did sent me to the hospital after Asar. 

Nah. Muka selfie dlm kereta. Rasa nak tampo tgk. HAHA!

So, after registered. I went to the ward. I have been placed at Ward 2A, Bed No 1. Whoa! Last time Bed No 3. Semuanya awal2.

I put my stuff, laundries, snacks, and all of my things into a cupboard. Know what? i did even brought along the hanger, extra pillow, and extra blanket. Just in case. Haha. The ambiance in my room was quite comfy. I have been placed in a room with  4 beds in total (with air-cond). Oh, the toilet is just next to me. so, no worries. 

Shortly afterwards, a nurse came to me to set the branula. And I asked her, why so soon? She said doctors ask for the blood test. Sakit ok. I mean it. She check my body temperature. unluckily, my temp at that time was 37.6 C. Honestly, I didn't aware that I have a fever. And OK! I start worrying. Because, no operation can be done if I had a fever, cough, flu, and so on.  My mother start nagging lah of course. Because, yesterday, I just safely landed from Senawang. Tulah, siapa suruh jalan lagi. Haha. But the nurse told me, In shaa Allah, they will monitoring me from time to time. Hopefully, everything will be fine.

It was about 7.00pm.Then, I sent my parent off to car. So, I waved to them dengan muka kesian. Want to go home too amma appa! 

I turned back and no miracles happen. Haha. 

Back to your mind please! 

So I perform my Maghrib at the ground floor Surau. While waiting for Isyaa' ....................

Tadaa!

Right after perform my Isyaa'. I went back to my ward and change my suit. HAHA! I have to put on the hospital uniforms before kena tegur with the nurses and guards for the second time. At 12am, I have to fast and nurses gave me this to endure the hunger. So, no foods and drinks allowed since I'm under GA (general anesthesia) case.

So, Good night. Sleep tight. Xoxo.

Third Surgery, Removing all the screws

Hola guys!

Ok ok. Straight to the point. Well, you will be questioning, why lately budak ni rajin post new entry. hewhew. It was because i'm in a recovery and healing process from my very third surgery, removing all the screw from my leg.

Why so early to remove this fellas? 

First, I had severe pain when i'm walk too much.

Second, sometimes, I can even hear the crack sound from my bone when I move here and there.

Still, once in a thrice months, I have a follow-up with the doctors at the hospital. Well, my case had been transferred to Hospital Jasin. 

On 12th August, I took MC for follow up at hospital. guess, I think that was my lucky day because the doctor that treat me is a Specialist!! so, Mr Karim is his name. As usual, I said to him my current condition. He advise me to do the x-ray. So, here it is. 

Then he did ask me, did you have pain? severe pain as well at that area? Of course yes! *drooling*

"No Wonder you have that kind of pain Syuhada, you see, (while pointing at the x-ray) it might happen because of the loosening of your screw at the second and third screw. I want you to do some blood test to check the CRP and ESR. If that result showing the high reading, confirm! INFECTION ON YOUR BONE"

*gulp*

So I asked him again, why this thing happen because as I know the alien in my leg is a stailess steel (according to my previous doctor).

"Syuhada, not all are guaranteed. Biasanya, kuman suka stay pada tempat yang ada besi macam ni. Some people, the body ok with all that kind of besi inside and vice versa.Sebab tu skru awak start to loose, and I can cross a finger that your blood test result soon will show the high reading of CRP and ESR'

And I was like, canggih haih Doctor ni.  Ok doctor, Well explained. So I do some blood test and only will know the result by next week appointment.

On 19th August 2014, I have another follow-up regarding the blood test result. 

So, yes! According to the doctor,the reading was high. CRP=21, ESR=69.

Immediately, the lady doctor have booked for me the date to do the operation. Luckily, I have been prepared well. Physically and Mentally. Hehehe. Poyo. 

So, the date have been decided. I booked 13th October 2014 as my third operation date. Luckily on that day, my leave have been approved by my boss. So I took 2 months leave. With Pay. Yeayers!

For the next entry, I will write about my life as a patient again. Pakai baju uniform hijau lagi weh. HAHAHAHAHA! 

Got to go peeps! Till then. XOXO.

Perpisahan Bukanlah Pengakhiran

Apabila kita berputus kasih dengan seseorang dalam erti kata,kita putus cinta (senang cite), maka orang itu bukanlah orang yang terbaik untuk masa hadapan kita. Mungkin juga Allah sedang mengatur seseorang yang lebih baik di masa hadapan, yang dapat membimbing kita di kemudian hari.

Kalau kita tak dapat sebijik mcm dia, Allah akan bagi kita yang lain more or less exactly mcm dia ataupun yang jauh lebih baik dari dia.who knows?

Dan...mungkin juga Allah mahu menyelamatkan kita dari berterusan bergelumang dengan maksiat yang kita sendiri tidak sedari dalam diam. apabila semakin lama dgn si dia,kita mungkin akan jadi kurang malu. Allah nak selamatkan kita. see, sayangnya Dia pada kita. pengetahuan Allah sgt luas dan siapa kita untuk mempersoalkannya?

If things are happening according to your wish, you are lucky, but if they are not,you are VERY LUCKY b'coz they are happening according to Allah's wish. biiznillah.

Pesanan terakhir,Allah tidak pernah memisahkan sesuatu dari hambanya kecuali Dia mengantinya dgn lebih baik. dan Allah tidak pernah mungkir janji.

Allahualam.

Yang Hina,

H.A.M.B.A.M.U

2 June 2012 (00:14am)

Relationship Goal

Tadaa!

Masha-Allah. Both of them are my senior at UiTM Sri Iskandar Perak last few years back.

Allahurabbi.

I'm quite close with the bride since we are neighbor at Blok Melati 1. 

I used to tease her, bully her, and so on. hikhik. Ampun akak.

Such a purdy, sopan, cute, pretty, intelligent. 
In fact, if she's not wearing purdah pun, mmg ribu ribu melon cantik! 

Mabruk big sissy on your wedding day. Mabruk bang syafiq. I adore you much now. Much.

And sorry I can't attend your wedding due to some issue. Hikhik.

Wishing you the best marriage! 

May both of you find the happiness and pleasure.

Being legally and sacredly bind with each other. 

I love you fillah

UiTM Convocation Ceremony.

Date : 12th May 2014

Time : 2.30 pm

Venue : Dewan Tamingsari Uitm Lendu, Alor gajah Melaka.

Session : May 2014, No 22

Alhamdullilah my greatest regards to Allah for giving me such a good health and strength in completing my studies despite all the challenges that I faced. 

If picture can paint a thousand words, I wonder what picture I should paint to express my utmost gratitude to the people who have given a lot of help through two and a half year that I took to complete my study. 

First and foremost, I would like to take this opportunity to express my utmost appreciation to my family for providing me a conducive place to stay, to study, transportation, financial support and moral support during those days. Your prayers and support will always be my courage through hard time.

My warmest appreciations to all my lecturers from Part 4 until Part 8, who had gave support, encouragement, concern, and supervision in order to complete this study. I'm nothing without all of your guidance.

Last but not least, I want to give my acknowledgment and full appreciation to my SAHABOB, classmate, group mate, and friends for all the hardworking and cooperation to finish this Degree. The memories will remain forever. In shaa Allah.

Again, trillion thanks! All of your kindness and patience for helping me directly or indirectly in many ways during all this time will not be forgotten. Only God can repay you. Xoxo (kenapa speech of appreciation aku dh mcm penghargaan dlm portfolio? tehee)

Lemme expense (sooo accounting term) you guys with my convo picture.

Thank you mak, ayah, abang, adik <3

Say cheeseeee!

Part of them. Ramai yg takde masa ni. 

Apa lagi yg tak kena si Arami ni ek Atul.

Hah melopong mulut tuuuuuuu

Ehehehehe, seronok pulak titew gelak.

Le girl.

Ok. It was supposed to be Emerald green.But its ok. Its alright. The other green is still valid.

Le Gadis

Apa kau pana? Lawak apa kau buat? hehe

Flying kick nak?hikhik

"Meh syg, abng betulkn topi tu"
Paling sayang.
Nurussaadah Jamaludin
Kawan2 tolong doakan dia dapat baby ye ? tq :)

Dream Cars

Handsomenya awak! 

Coolnya awak!

Charmingnya awak!

Sportynya awak!

.

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Tapi end up aku rasa semua aku tak mampu pakai. Sebab yg kat atas ni semua tak tercapai akalku. mihmih

Takpelah.

At least.

I dream big.

*cry a river*

Post-life after accident

Assalamualaikum.

It has been a while since I didn't post on my blog. My life was keep getting busier and busier nowadays. 
Yeah! Since my last post (on last year), I have been busy with the classes, projects, assignments, and so on.
Oh ya! forget to tell you guys. I decided not to extend my study since it was my final semester! Luckily, my good good sahabat, Sasa agree to stay at my home and bring me to the class everyday. Since she is quite close with my mak and family too. I think mak was the happiest person because after all,she did have a friend and a companion to watch all the cerekarama, samarinda and whatsoever Malay drama. Sorry mak. I am not soo into Malay drama. Also, thanks to her husband because did allowed her to stay with me at my house. hikhik. And there we go.

Our routine while waiting for green traffic light :)

Hell yeah, I have to use crutches until end of November 2013. It took about 6 months to walk again. *pity me*
At the first place, it was challenging to me since I have to climb up all the stairs, walk carefully, to perform wudhu', pray, go to the toilet, go to the library. And yes. I became the centre of attention by all the students there.
Alhamdulillah, my life went well. You know what? We (Sasa and I) got a special parking lots here for the disabled student. Wiwiwiwi. Plus, we no need to queuing up with a long lines everyday to catch the lift. I can freely enter the library and borak2 with pakcik Rashid and mak Azraa. And, Mak Cik Tipah at the cafeteria always give us discount price for our meal since we are the regular customer in her cafe back then! hehe.

I know. I know. Too cute to handle isn't it? hikhik

See, even though I have gone through all the pain and difficulties to stand again in my life, Allah telah mudahkan banyak laluan for me.
All the lecturer was very understanding! Same goes to all my supportive classmates. They all always being a gentleman by reserve a space to me in the lift, rebutkan lift for me, angkatkan kerusi, and so on. *cry a river*

Thank you classmate untuk semuanya :')

Even though busy with all the classes, I try not to missed all my physiotherapy session every week. Think it was very important to me. Yelah, takut jalan senget tempang nanti.hihi.
At the first, the physiotherapist will wrap my leg with the hot pack about 20 minutes. I just have to lying on the bed and playing candy crush. 

And then, I have to cycle the specific bicycle for about 30 minutes. Reason being, by doing this, perhaps my leg can normally bend like before. And guess what, it works!

Baru 6 minit dah hilang kudrat

So, for people out there who have the same fate like me, you guys please don't simply give up on your life. I know, it was very difficult to move here and there with the crutches but trust me, Allay will ease your journey then. Please put your trust in Allah and stay strong. Please, even sakit, utamakan lah solat. Sebab Allah tak pernah meletakkan hambanya pd tangga kedua. (if you get what i mean) 

Apalah sangat ujian kecil yg kita dapat ni jikalau nak dibandingkan dengan ujian yg pernah diterima oleh Rasulullah SAW.

Ok, its about 3.00 a.m. and i fell very sleepy now. Sleepy head. hikhik. Till then. 
Assalamualaikum.

Al-Quran

Terdapat 15 kebaikan-kebaikan al-Quran di dalam hadis-hadis sahih :

Pertama : Al-Quran akan menjadi syafaat dihari akhirat.

Daripada Abu Umamah r.a berkata : Aku mendengar Rasulullah S.A.W. bersabda:

“Bacalah al-Quran sesungguhnya ia akan datang di hari kiamat sebagai syafaat kepada pembacanya”. (Hadis Riwayat Muslim)

Kedua : Al-Quran sebagai pembela (mempertahankan) orang yang membacanya dihari akhirat.

Daripada Nawwas Bin Sam’an r.a. telah berkata : Aku mendengar Rasulullah S.A.W. bersabda : “Di hari akhirat kelak akan didatangkan al-Quran dan orang yang membaca dan mengamalkan isi kandungannya, didahului dengan Surah Al Baqarah dan Surah Ali-Imraan, kedua-dua surah ini menghujah ( mempertahankan ) orang yang membaca dan mengamalkannya”. (Hadis Riwayat Muslim)

Ketiga : Sebaik-baik amalan adalah orang yang belajar dan mengajarkan al-Quran.

Daripada Osman Bin ‘Affan r.a. telah berkata: Rasulullah S.A.W. bersabda : “Sebaik manusia di antara kamu orang yang mempelajari al-Quran dan mengajarnya kepada orang lain”.

(Hadis Riwayat Bukhari)

Keempat : Membaca al-Quran dan susah menyebutnya mendapat dua pahala.

Daripada Aisyah r.a. telah berkata: Bersabda Rasulullah S.A.W. : “Orang yang membaca al-Quran dan susah untuk menyebut ayatnya ia mendapat dua pahala”.

(Hadis Riwayat Bukhari dan Muslim)

Kelima : Mukmin yang membaca al-Quran umpama buah yang harum dan sedap rasanya.

Daripada Abu Musa Al Asy’ari r.a. telah berkata : Rasulullah S.A.W. bersabda : “Umpama orang mukmin yang membaca al-Quran seperti buah Utrujjah ( seperti limau besar ) baunya wangi dan rasanya sedap. Umpama orang mukmin yang tidak membaca al-Quran seperti buah tamar tidak ada bau dan rasanya manis, dan umpama orang munafik yang membaca al- Quran seperti Raihanah (sejenis pokok) baunya wangi dan rasanya pahit dan umpama orang munafik yang tidak membaca al-Quran seperti buah labu yang tiada bau dan rasanya pahit”.

(Hadis Riwayat Bukhari dan Muslim)

Keenam : Allah SWT mengangkat martabat golongan yang membaca al-Quran.

Daripada Omar Bin Al Khattab r.a. Bahawa Nabi Muhammad S.A.W. bersabda: “Sesungguhnya Allah mengangkat martabat beberapa golongan dan merendahkan martabat yang lain dengan sebab al-Quran”.(Hadis Riwayat Muslim)

Ketujuh : Kefahaman yang sahih tentang al-Quran akan menjadi contoh ikutan.

Daripada Ibnu Omar r.a. daripada Nabi Muhammad S.A.W. telah bersabda:

“Tidak boleh berhasad dengki kecuali di dalam dua perkara : Lelaki yang dianugerahkan kefahaman yang sahih tentang al-Quran, ia menunaikan ibadat siang dan malam , lelaki yang dianugerahkan kemewahan harta lalu dinafkahkannya siang dan malam”.

(Hadis Riwayat Bukhari dan Muslim)

Kelapan : Membaca al-Quran akan mendapat ketenangan (sakinah)

Daripada Barra’ dan daripada ‘Azib r.a. telah berkata : “Seorang lelaki membaca Surah Al Kahfi dan di sisinya seekor kuda yang diikat dengan dua tali, maka awan di langit mula melindunginya dan semakin hampir, dan kudanya mula menjauhinya. Apabila menjelang pagi beliau pergi berjumpa Nabi Muhammad S.A.W. dan menceritakan peristiwa tersebut maka baginda bersabda : Itulah ( sakinah ) ketenangan yang turun disebabkan bacaan al-Quran”.

(Hadis Riwayat Bukhari dan Muslim)

Kesembilan : Sesiapa yang tidak mengingati ayat-ayat al-Quran umpama rumah yang roboh.

Daripada Ibnu ‘Abbas r.a. beliau berkata : Rasulullah S.A.W. bersabda : “Sesungguhnya orang yang tidak ada di dalam ingatannya sesuatu pun daripada ayat al-Quran seperti rumah yang roboh”. (Hadis Riwayat Tarmizi dan beliau berkata: Hadis ini hasan sahih)

Kesepuluh : Membaca dan memperelokkan bacaan al-Quran akan mendapat kebaikannya.

Daripada Abdullah Bin ‘Umru Bin Al ‘As r.a. Nabi Muhammad S.A.W. bersabda :

“Satu masa nanti akan dikatakan kepada orang yang membaca al-Quran: Bacalah, perbaikkilah dan perelokkanlah bacaan al-Quran sepertimana engkau memperelokkan urusan di dunia, sesungguhnya tempat engkau akan ditentukan di akhir ayat yang engkau bacakan”. ( Hadis Riwayat Abu Daud dan Tarmizi dan beliau berkata : Hadis ini hasan sahih )

Kesebelas : Membaca beberapa ayat al-Quran lebih baik daripada mendapat unta yang gemuk.

Daripada ‘Uqbah Bin ‘Amir r.a. menceritakan : Rasulullah S.A.W keluar dan kami berada di tempat duduk masjid yang beratap. Maka beliau bersabda: “Siapakah di antara kamu yang suka keluar di pagi hari pada setiap hari menuju ke Buthan atau ‘Atiq, dan dia mengambil darinya dua ekor unta yang gemuk dalam keadaan dia tidak melakukan dosa dan tidak putus hubungan silaturrahim”. Kami menjawab : “Kami suka demikian itu. Sabda Rasulullah S.A.W : “Kenapakah kamu tidak pergi ke masjid belajar atau membaca dua ayat Al Quran lebih baik dari dua ekor unta, tiga ayat lebih baik dari tiga ekor, empat ayat lebih baik dari empat ekor unta demikianlah seterusnya mengikut bilangan ayatnya”. (Hadis Riwayat Muslim)

Kedua belas : Sesiapa yang lebih fasih memebaca al-Quran lebih layak menjadi imam solat berjemaah.

Daripada Ibnu Mas’ud r.a bahawa Nabi Muhammad S.A.W bersabda : Orang yang paling layak mengimami kaum di dalam sembahyang ialah mereka yang terfasih membaca al-Quran”. (Hadis Riwayat Muslim )

 Ketiga belas : Nabi SAW mengutamakan sahabat yang paling kuat berpegang teguh kepada al-Quran untuk dikebumikan jenazah mereka.

Daripada Jabir Bin Abdullah r.a. bahawa Nabi Muhammad S.A.W. menghimpun antara dua lelaki yang terbunuh di peperangan Uhud kemudian baginda bersabda : “Yang mana satukah antara keduanya yang paling kuat berpegang teguh dengan al-Quran maka apabila aku tunjukkan kepada salah seorang daripada keduanya maka dialah orang yang pertama masuk ke liang lahad”. (Hadis Riwayat Bukhari, Tarmizi, Nasa’ie dan Ibnu Majah)

Keempat belas : Kelebihan berdoa selepas membaca al-Quran.

Daripada ‘Imran Bin Husain Bahawa beliau lalu di hadapan qari yang sedang membaca al-Quran kemudian dia berdoa kepada Allah kemudian ia kembali membaca kemudian ia berkata aku mendengar Rasulullah S.A.W. bersabda : “Barangsiapa yang membaca al-Quran maka berdoalah kepada Allah dengan al-Quran maka sesungguhnya akan datang beberapa kaum yang membaca al-Quran dan mereka berdoa dengannya”.

(Hadis Riwayat Tarmizi, beliau berkata : Hadis ini hasan)

Kelima belas : Setiap satu huruf membaca al-Quran akan mendapat sepuluh ganjaran pahala.

Daripada Ibnu Mas’ud r.a. ia berkata : “Barangsiapa yang membaca satu huruf daripada al- Quran maka baginya satu kebaikan, satu kebaikan menyamai dengan sepuluh pahala, aku tidak bermaksud : Alif , Lam , Mim ialah satu huruf, tetapi Alif satu huruf, Lam satu huruf dan Mim satu huruf”.(Hadis Riwayat Ad Darimi Tarmizi, beliau berkata hadis ini hasan sahih)

Dalam sebuah hadis Rasulullah S.A.W.bersabda : Daripada Ibnu Umar r.a berkata:

“Rasulullah S.A.W. telah bersabda maksudnya : "Hati manusia akan berkarat seperti besi yang dikaratkan oleh air". Apakah cara untuk menjadikan hati bersinar semula. Kata baginda lagi, " Dengan banyak mengingati mati dan membaca al-Quran.”

Yes. It was hard to find this type of real men in nowadays life. 

 Sumber : Facebook :)

C.I.N.T.A

Benar. CINTA.kadang2 amat mengasyikkan..Allahu Rabbi..lebih2 lagi cinta dari seorang yang tidak halal buat diriku ini..aku menganggap dia tidak seperti lelaki lain.aku menafikan pada semua orang termasuk dirinya bahawa kami hanyalah berkawan sahaja.tidak lebih dari itu.tetapi dalam diam,aku turut hanyut dalam cinta itu..sering kali aku memujuk hati ini bahawa dialah lelaki yang mampu menjadi imamku kelak..dialah lelaki yang mampu menjaga,memliharaku tatkala aku tidak mampu menghadapi segala macam pentas dunia ini..

Kerana terlalu mempercayainya,kami sudah  berani keluar berdua-duan. Subhanallah, betapa hinanya aku di sisi Allah pada waktu itu..sememangnya meskipun kami keluar berdua, tapak tangan ku ini tidak pernah ku lepaskan ke atas tangannya..aku telah pelihara sebaik mungkin.aku masih mampu lagi mempertahankan maruahku..tetapi ku rasakan diriku sama seperti perempuan lain pada ketika itu.. di manakah aku letakkan harga diri ku ...bukankah seorang itu perempuan harganya sangat mahal..

Lantas aku tersedar diriku telah terlibat dalam kancah cinta palsu..NA'am.cinta palsu.sememangnya kami tidak pernah bersentuhan..tetapi, secara tidak lansung aku telah melakukan zina hati..merindui orang yang tidak halal bagiku.. Aku berteleku mengingatkan dosa-dosa semalam.. Rentetan terlalu obses dalam mengejar syurga dunia, aku terhanyut dek arus kealpaan yang telah menggelapkan hatiku..aku malu pda-Mu..betapa kerdilnya diri ini..

Aku mengambil tindakan memutuskan hubungan kami secara mendadak..aku tahu itu sulit.semestinya dia tidak berpuas hati..aku nekad.. kerana aku tahu Engkau sentiasa ada untukku.. alhamdulillah.perpisahan yang aku minta ini tidak merugikan aku, sebaliknya terbukti jangkaan ku. dia yang selama ini aku letakkan sebagai seorang lelaki yang istimewa, yang tidak sama dengan lelaki lain, meleset..sangkaanku, perpisahan ini akan membuatkan kami lebih mengenali erti cinta sejati serta membersihkan hati..tetapi,.sekejapan sahaja dia sudah ada pengganti.. 

Zamzarina..sampai bila pun, insyaAllah, aku tidak akan lupakan nama itu.. insan yang banyak meyedarkan diriku tentang cinta yang hakiki..insan yang banya mendekatkan diri ku kepada-Mu..dalam diam, aku mengagumi keperibadiannya..ingin sekali aku mencontohi dia.. seringkali dia kerap menyuruhku istikharah..tahajud..terima kasih akak.. kerana menbawaku keluar bergelumang dengan dosa.Terima kasih Ya Allah ke atas keagungan cinta yang Kau curahkan pada hati ini.

Biarkan ku kehilangan cinta yang tak halal bagiku,tapi aku mendapat yang jauh lebih indah..maafkan aku. cinta mu tidaklah semahal harga diriku...

Wallahu’alam.

Yang berosa,

H.A.M.B.A.M.U

18 December 2011 (3.55 am) (repost)